Just Life

2011-10-26T01:42:00.003+08:00

haha

Just so you know.

After a rant, there's a sudden realization that the mess you think it was a calamity; the troubles doesn't really matter at all.

You know that you can still have that peace, assurance, strength in you.

You know that the motivation in you never died.

You know that you still are ALIVE. You are driven... No. There is a substance, that keep you holding on. You could have died without that mesh-full strength of awesome substance.

Probably you won't even want to admit it. You keep on telling lies to yourself of the problem you've been facing, that you've been affected from all these while; which will then make you to feel monotonous - it just NEUTRALIZES everything in you, so you'd feel dead.

Well guess what.

It's clear-cut - a playing bout of pessimistic view in your mind. That damn confusion; which messes the rest of your system up. Then you'll fuck-it-all-up.

You know what, you're never messed up. You're already've been perfected in Him - Romans 8:1
So where'd that condemnation came from? Why was it there in the first place?

Does it feel good to pull yourself down from a personal victory?

' "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?' ' - Matthew 9:4

Ha!

You know that you've been messing up in your mind, some parts of the time......most of the times it seems in your own eyes.

The truth is, in His eyes, you are perfect.

So don't be upset or regret. Rejoice then!

I wish to know more. More and more insights. So it'll come. Bye.

2011-10-21T23:52:00.002+08:00

Yes, it came with a bang again.

That sad story. It can't be helped, but sometimes my mind would just sing those songs over and over. Even my dreams could amplify its severity.

Here I am, hoping that this path would lead me to a good place.

Travelling on foot through this thick woods without any good sense of direction, but a golden compass in my hand I follow.
It shows where I should go, and I'm just going along.

Yes, anxiety tends to creep in, but the thrill is what you seek and enjoy along the way.
It somehow can catch you up to your heels. Nonetheless, it can be shaken off.

I've got my time spent a lot on Nursing of late, and it is draining.
I've got to get help in changing my ways of thinking towards it to make it into my advantage.
Else, it'll just be monotonous and stagnant. My first two weeks of posting has been somewhat fruitful, but not what I've been expecting from myself.

Furthermore, I've been dry. I need to be soaked to absorb it all.

Well, those things which had just crashed through my ceiling-wall can be fixed and strengthen, but I just need someone to tell it out to, just so you know, you're not alone. I need some more insights in these things. This autonomy yet loneliness can be used in two different ways; depends on which ever situation you can use for your advantage.

Sigh

I'll just have my heart to take a step back and let it all flow into me. I do not want to be forced into this area. It'll be attended with tender-care. It need not be careful. I'm just having faith.

Yep, insights is all I need to this situation, else I'll just look forward for anything hopeful.

Awesome.

2011-09-28T15:43:00.000+08:00

Proverbs 28:20
A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent. [KJV]

It made me remember something. and it feels as though it had planted a knowledge inme which I have yet to have any revelation on it. Somehow, its meaning will come to me soon.

This is what I felt towards this verse.

Anyway, later.

2011-09-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

I have done many many horrible things towards a girl whom I loved and admired, back then, before.

That was because I was affected by what had happened with her, from which our r/s began to gradually slide down over the past years.

I saw it came down and down as we get to know each other even deeper, TOGETHER with the situation which I've gone through all those times. As my situation in my family deteriorates dwelling into the religious subject, and then I began to transit from one belief to another, things between ourselves also began to worsen as well.

I could not explain how it felt to dismantle your structured belief (which affected all your relationships around you), and rebuild once more in a short matter of time. It was all too fast (and I'm not joking) that I could not remember things so clearly. I get all mixed up and confused with fixed appointments and dates, resulting a mess for my entire class.

Whatever I felt during the time of transition of beliefs was so immense, I could not explain how lost I became. It was as though a shock to me everyday to see things way differently, pulling yourself out of your comfort zone to believe into something. At the same time, in the very back of your mind, you have thousands of questions to be answered by Him alone.

I knew that I would have to leave most of the things out during my transition. I figured nobody could understand how it felt to swing yourself out from a system which you were so tightly fixed to it.

I submit to you that the reason I came out of it was because I know there was something much more than just an old traditional system. It looks easy to get out of it really, from a normal person's point of view; but I'm talking about transformation here. It was blisteringly mind-wrecking.

As a result, it affected my relationships between not just my ex-gf, but towards others as well. I was so affected by everything.

Then it came to a point that nothing was at my favour. I saw everything crumbled right before my eyes and as demoralized as I was, I couldn't see any opportunity to do anything, until I've found something much valuable to my heart.

There were so many things which have occurred between she and I during those volatile times. Gradually, I realized I became a mouse towards her, as I knew my belief-system were restarting, and I was practically 're-learning' everything from scratch. Remodeling it by dismantling them first already had broken part of my self-esteem down. I became so self-condemned that I had to rely onto other people's opinion to have a foundation of who I really am.

I was uncertain of myself and that I knew she was willing to tell me what to do, so I followed, and continue to do what was right in other people's eyes.

I was that TIMID. I don't like that 'self' whom I was back then. So I decided that giving-in to the person, being submissive is the best way I can do for myself. I felt so fragile as a person and inside of me broke so easily, I felt as if I had no self-control over myself.

It was made plain to e that I really had to earn my very own independence. Because in the r/s, I felt do clingy and like an 'ass-kisser' - to please the person even after that wrong treatment (especially after a mis-understanding.)

I wish to write out what really happened during my r/s with her. I could really use some models and state out the reasons and after-effects of a human behaviour from a traumatic incident/tragedy.

I observed how it became and evolve and I knew it was not turning good. I thought that I could save it by pleasing and listening, but it only made it worse. I have a lost of words to recall all the bad stuff that happened between of us. One thing I know is that, things can snowball really badly. But to zoom out of the problem and to as oneself, how does it really affects your life in total, you need not afraid to find a solution.

It felt like there were relentless trust-issues back then, and plainly, doubting dulls our trust between one another.

I cannot say the final word of how this would end. I myself don't know what the real answer to the problem is. But I could say that it really had taught me a really important thing about relationships.

Pertaining towards self-respect and control, I can say that it does have some sort of relations towards this experience, however, to think of it as a main problem, I think it is ridiculous. It has something got to do with me and me alone.

I say that this relationship was not a waste, though it has been very painful. I need not say how affected I am and tell the other party or anyone how was it was for me. I acknowledge too that I was not the only one whom was affected by this experience; her as well.

It was tragic, basically. for me and her to have a fate of consequent arguments, disagreements, fights and the rest.

The best thing you can ever do for yourself right now is to look at it as a stepping stone for your future. It's a learning point every time to whatever you go through. I now know what it means to condemn oneself; which is the worst thing for yourself as a gift.

I'm running out of points and words to say because I'm tired. I know the thing you can do is, leave the bad, take the good. You'll prosper. Goodnight.

2011-09-13T20:50:00.002+08:00

Thank you Jesus Christ.

for your abundant blessings.

Your undeserving Grace for me.

Your unrelenting love.

It's all awesome.

All praise be onto You Lord Jesus. Thank you!

Hallelujiah! Amen!

2011-08-26T15:23:00.002+08:00

Like a river glorious

Like a river glorious

Is God's perfect peace,

Over all victorious

In its bright increase;

Perfect, yet it floweth

Fuller every day,

Perfect, yet it groweth

Deeper all the the way.

Stayed upon Jehovah,

Hearts are fully blest

Finding, as He promised,

Perfect peace and rest.

2011-08-26T14:58:00.004+08:00

There is a Fountain

There is a fountain filled with blood
Drawn from Immanuel's veins
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
Lose all their guilty stains

Lose all their guilty stains
Lose all their guilty stains
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
Lose all their guilty stains
The dying thief rejoiced to see
That fountain in his day
And there may I, though vile as he
Wash all my sins away

Away
Away
Wash all my sins away

E'er since by faith I saw the stream
Thy flowing wounds supply
Redeeming love has been my theme
And shall be till I die

And shall be till I die
And shall be till I die
Redeeming love has been my theme
And shall be till I die

Wash all my sins away
Wash all my sins away
Redeeming love has been my theme
And shall be till I die

2011-08-22T12:57:00.004+08:00

Lord Jesus, I love you.
and I enjoy being under your Light.
Thank You Jesus.

2011-08-22T12:57:00.002+08:00

Hallelujiah,

Thank You Father, for giving me the best gift for me, an over-payment from You. Thank You Father.

Thank You Jesus for your Truth and Grace.

Thank You for putting me in the Light, washing all my sins away!

Thank You for your Protection from every evil things.

Thank You for your Peace and Love, Lord Jesus.

All praise be with You Jesus.

2011-08-19T11:03:00.003+08:00

"I will find favour from the field I glean from." - Ruth.

Ruth 2:2 - So Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, "Please let me go to the field, and glean heads of grain after him in whose sight I may find favour." And she said to her, "Go my daughter."

As blood-bought beliver and a child of God, you have the supernatural favour of God!

2011-08-16T18:35:00.002+08:00

I'm not afraid to be alone.

2011-08-16T15:19:00.002+08:00

Heavenly Father, I must thank You for giving me the support I ever need, and Your grace which I don't deserve.

Lord Jesus, thank You, for giving me a place to take refuge when I am at my most vulnerable.

Thank You for being there for me, when I am very alone in a dark and very silent room, every night.

It is painful to live alone. With You, the pain is away with Your love and comfort. Thank You Jesus, for all your love and strength.

I cried

2011-08-14T23:48:00.003+08:00

Here, where You always are.

Seeing how much you love us.

Then I began to see friends.

I began to see life.

I began to see You even better.

Things in me became uncontrollably shaky, trembling.

Then tears began to flood my eyes.

And the sense that blessing was being received.

Seeing Your love just makes me weep.

And all I could say to You is Thank You.

I love You.

I don't know how to express it; because it did me so good.

And I know it'll stay.

It'll stay forever. Keep me in you. In your arms, I Rest.

Today and now, I am blessed by You with True Holiness.

Everything is alright,

In Jesus' name, Amen.

2011-07-24T21:51:00.000+08:00

6 Laps, ready? set. TMR!

I'll hit the 11.00 target. LOL

2011-07-24T18:22:00.001+08:00

The lid was uncovered from me, because I was saved merely by grace. And then, I cried.

2011-07-13T18:27:00.001+08:00

When you relax, God works for you. (:

Grace and truth came from Jesus Christ!

Right where you are, Jesus, You can speak the word, and my Pain, myself, will be healed holistically.

2011-07-13T17:27:00.002+08:00

I'm depressed. Why am I so affected? It just makes me want to cry it out.

Just why?

Is it my perceptions?

Those troublesome ones need to stop!

One by one I need to take them down; those which are childish and emotionally depressing.

I need to put it to a stop.

SOMEONE HELP ME!
Because I need some guidance and help.

At least I know whom can offer me the best help.

2011-07-10T21:50:00.001+08:00

I believe that I will be alright, better and kicking soon.

Just watch yourself do it man. You'll be amazed.

2011-07-10T21:40:00.001+08:00

I know I'm depressed now.

Got no one to talk to now.

And I'm eating junk food, munching on anything that I can grab.

Oh shit.

Gona do something about this. QUICK